| merry christmas. but even more i want to wish you a happy new year.
i hope everyone learns how to embrace life.. and love
dream as if you'l live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow
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|  i'm home from jerusalem. i've been recuperating because i haven't been
getting allot of sleep this past week and i've been pretty grouchy
lately so forgive me if this update sounds a little pessimistic. but in
truth the confrence was amazing and my life was change allot. but it's
just been a while since i've thought of whats really going on and got
it all out. actually..
it's been a while for allot of things..
and
i just keep thinking about where i'm at in life. what season in life am
i going through and what's the reason for it all. why am i so distant
from so many people. from so many friends.. from so many people i used
to be close to. i feel like i'm fighting them and making sure they dont
get close to me... im scared to bring people too close to me again. i
hate the games. i hate pretending it doesnt matter to me. I HATE HOW
FAR FROM ME YOU ARE! i hate that i cant touch your heart when you're in
reaching distance, you might as well be in another world.. =/ i guess
we are in two differant worlds.
i'm tierd of hearing songs that
remind me of you.. i just want to forget you. i'm tierd of people
telling me what to do and who to be and where to go.. it's nice not to
think sometimes. but when i dont have a choice... oof i dont think i
ever had a choice... somethings are really starting to scare me. i was
more confident when i wasnt so aware of things going on around me. it's
weird being aware of evil around you. sometimes when i close my eyes i
can feel the good and even the bad.. =/ i want to cry.. but tears wont
come. and we dont always get what we want. |
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my mind, my heart, my life is split. split in two, split in three. and yet all of this is me. two lives, two beats, two separate minds. but just so you know these tears are all mine. i'm desperate, i'm hungry, i just want you to know me.
i just want to be me.
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